


Lifeful love

by Killo89



Series: Hetalian stories [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Accidents, Afterlife, Character Death, F/M, Ghosts, Honeymoon, M/M, Same-Sex Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:33:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7433057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killo89/pseuds/Killo89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spain loved Lovino with his whole corazón. The beating of his heart didn't stop when his lover's did. His life could've turned bad, but constant happiness was what made him survive. A long-lasting love isn't stopped, and shouldn't even be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lifeful love

_You lighten up my day, illuminating my sky._

_Stars glowing brighter each time your gaze meet their route._

_A whole future of life, awaiting us; we’ll fly._

_There’re angels everywhere, you’re as cute._

_Don’t be shy and say them hi._

Antonio sang this tune every day of his life. It was a small melody he used to play on guitar when he was sad. It always cheered him up. He added the lyrics himself when its creator passed away. Lovino Vargas, his late husband.

Lovino said this came from his grandfather, a man who passed years ago, before Antonio and Lovino even met.

Antonio looked at the grave and smiled. He was happy he was able to come. He wanted Lovino to have the most beautiful grave ever, that’s why he put himself flowers all around it.

A single photo of Lovino was on the grave. Photos of him were rare, especially one like this one. One where he was smiling, a veritable smile. Antonio didn’t have many photos of him, but he had his memory, and no surprise he was able to recall every feature of Lovino’s face.

His skin was whiter than his, but with a slight tan coming from his sunny Italian childhood. It was the softest and most delicate thing he ever touched. Porcelain was nothing compared to his cheeks, a small blush occasionally coloring them of pinkish tones.

His eyes of emerald would shine in the darkest night, sometimes teary, following the fluctuations of the ups and downs of life.

His brown hair, with this one sensitive curl standing out were silky. He was not really tall and without much physical strength, but he was nice. The nicest person ever.

He didn’t like being the targets of mockeries and bullies and would always talk back when feeling insulted.

He would cry easily, shedding tears each time he’d lose his _fratellino_ in a crowded area, each time he’d feel bad because of a mistake he made, each time he missed someone dear to his heart.

But showing this to anybody would be impossible. He only did this to his dear brother and his husband.

Antonio stood up and laughed silently. He always laughed silently, and Lovino would think of how cute his laugh was.

The, Antonio sat near the grave and began to talk. He talked, talked and talked. He’d tell Lovino of everything that has happened, repeating again and again that he loved him. But never did he say that he missed him. He did miss him, but he would not tell it to Lovino. He didn’t want him to feel guilty because of his egocentrism.

He looked at his watch and realized he’d been spacing out again. He would lose himself in his own thoughts and memories each time he’d visit Lovino. He sent a kiss towards the grave and turned around. He was smiling, as always, when he was leaving the graveyard.

He loved to come there and meet Lovino. When Lovino died, he came every day. He would come and look at the grave sadly. It lasted some time, before he decided to come just one time a week. It was an advice from his best friends who didn’t want him in this state of constant sadness.

These friends, Gilbert and Francis, did their best to help him. They forbad him to stay in the graveyard too much time, to lock himself up and to suicide.

Antonio has been surprised. The first option was understandable, but he’d never even think of the last two ones. He was sad, yes. The saddest man of the world, but that was not a reason not to live on. The wound would close itself. Never entirely, but healing slowly.

Soon, the sadness he had when visiting the grave became joy. Joy to speak to Lovino, joy to explain everything of the actual world. Politic problems, ecological problems…

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to meet Francis’ gaze.

“Are you okay?”

Spain liked this question, because he felt important in someone else’s world.

“I am. Why do you ask?”

“You spaced out. Again.”

“Sorry… I just like to think of the past.”

“I am glad you react like this. You’re brave in this fight, but know you’re not alone, right?”

“With you almost harassing me to check on my health, I don’t feel lonely at all. Should we get going now?”

“Yes. Ludwig and Feliciano are waiting for us. We’ve not seen them for months, do you believe that?”

“Not really. We will have to tell them, right?”

“Do you want to?”

“Well, Feli has to know…”

Francis didn’t say anything else. Spain and he walked towards the exit and, taking Francis’ car to reach Feliciano and Ludwig at the airport. They had to pick up Gilbert first, because the guy really wanted to see his baby brother. That’s how he called him, even though Ludwig had more muscles and was taller.

Francis and Antonio wanted to see Feliciano again. The guy was their little brother and they really missed him. They were excited to finally meet him again, but did not want to be the bringers of bad news. They needed to tell him Lovino was dead.

How was he not aware of this? Ludwig and Feliciano had been on a journey to Germany, to Ludwig’s family, and the on their honeymoon. They didn’t have the heart to ruin this moment they wanted so much and decided to wait their return to tell them.

Francis was the one driving. He led the car to Gilbert’s house and after usual greetings, they went to their airport.

On their way, they even planned their next hangout together. It’s been a while since they haven’t done this, you know, just drinking, playing weird or even lewd things, sometimes being arrested for exhibitionism while drunk… They used to do this a lot before Antonio and Lovino got married. Because Lovino didn’t want to have to deal with Antonio’s shit, he forbad him to do this again.

When they eventually reached the airport, Gilbert couldn’t stop jumping.

“Calm down Gilbert” France said, “Is that really awesome to act like this?”

“If it’s me, of course. Everything I do is awesome.”

Antonio laughed silently again, earning glares from his best friends. They were happy to hear him laugh again. No. Wait. Not exactly. They were happy not to hear him laugh again. Err, well, anyway, they were happy he was actually laughing.

They walked in the airport, all three searching for their little brothers. They quickly found them.

Feliciano jumped in Francis and Antonio’s arms. Ludwig thought his großer Bruder wasn’t here, but was surprised when Gilbert ran to him and hugged him tightly.

“Fratello isn’t here?” Feli finally asked, surprised not to be greeted with some insults directed to his lover.

“We… We have something to tell you, Feliciano…” Francis said calmly, his glare looking towards Spain before continuing. “Lovino had a… problem.”

“What kind of problem? Is he sick?”

“Not exactly” Spain added, cutting Francis who was going to reveal him his death. “He… He’s dead.”

Feliciano’s eyes were locked on Antonio. He knew him since a lot of time. He saw him as a big brother. A big brother who never lied to him. Someone who touching his biological big brother like if it was porcelain, someone with the sunniest smile who never could have make fun of such a topic.

He looked at Francis then. Francis’ face was serious. He wasn’t joking. It wasn’t a joke.

His heart pounded like crazy in his chest. His big brother was gone? Forever?

Spain looked away when he saw the hurt look on Feli’s face. He didn’t like seeing the little guy sad, that was making him even sadder.

It was unbearable to look in these brown eyes without feeling the same pain as him. Soon, Feliciano buried his face in Francis’ embrace, crying loudly near the airport exit.

They led him to the car after they’d taken their luggage. Francis didn’t drive, trying to console his little brother on their way home. He then left Francis arms to stay in Ludwig’s.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked after sobbing.

“You were on your long honeymoon”, Francis repeated. “We didn’t want to ruin that moment of yours.”

“Still… Don’t you think I would’ve liked to know?”

“We’re sorry.”

“What happened to him?”

“An accident… He was driving… drunk…” Francis whispered this last world, like if it was a forbidden curse. It made Antonio flinch a bit.

“Yes” Antonio almost silently added. “Drunk…”

He took a big breath, but was cut by Gilbert who understood what he wanted to say.

“You don’t have to” he said. “Tonio, nobody’s forcing you.”

“I know this. But I’d have to say it one day anyway. Feli, I… I’m the one who got… who got… who got your brother drunk…”

Antonio whipped away the tears falling down in his cheeks. _“It’s all my fault”_ he repeated over and over.

“Why did you say me this?” he asked. “It’s not your fault…”

“I let him drive while drunk, I’m responsible for this!” he suddenly cried louder. “I’m responsible for his death… It’s because of me!”

“It’s not” Francis countered. “You know it’s not.”

“I wasn’t there when he drank! I should have! I left him alone with alcohol, what did I expect?!”

“You were trusting him. That’s called love, Antonio. Don’t ever say it’s your fault; it is not.”

Antonio didn’t utter a word then. He felt responsible, he couldn’t do otherwise!

That’s why he weekly goes to the graveyard. To make it up for what he’s done. To feel less guilty.

They arrived at Ludwig and Feliciano’s house. They helped them bringing their luggage inside. They didn’t want to bother them much and decided they’d go home themselves, but were stopped by Feliciano himself.

“Antonio… Is there… something he told you… before…”

Antonio didn’t bring that on the table in the first place because he wanted Feliciated to calm down a bit before. Ironic, seeing how himself cracked up and ended up crying in the car.

“Y-Yeah… He told me he wanted you to see something. It’s in our, err, my loft. He wanted only you up there after he passed away. I don’t know what lies there.”

“Can… Can I come? I mean, now… If you don’t want to, it’s okay…”

“Is that a joke Feli? Of course, come over. Ask Ludwig too, no?”

“I prefer to go alone. It’s none of Ludwig’s business after all.”

Antonio seemed surprise. Feliciano always wanted to bring Ludwig in everything he was making, even if his lover wasn’t as eager as him.

Antonio asked Francis if it was okay for Feliciano to come with. Of course, Francis agreed.

They went to Antonio’s place first, leaving the two there. Francis would then drive Gilbert back and go home himself.

“The flowers are beautiful” Feliciano remarked when he saw his brother’s house. He considered Antonio and Francis his brothers, as they often acted so near him when he was younger (they’re way older than him, Lovino being only a bit younger than both of them). That’s why he didn’t find strange that Lovino and Antonio married two of his “brothers”. Both never met before, but it apparently was love at first sight.

For Antonio.

Lovino needed time to even appreciate someone. He hated people, appreciating only himself, Feliciano and their grandfather. Antonio was not something new to him. He already had someone in his family acting like a pure idiot but being the nicest person he knew.

He quickly grew attached to his face, his way of speaking, of acting, of being. He found everything attractive in him, and he despised that. He didn’t like his comfort zone to be gone around him, but he grew used to this new comfort, being cuddled, embraced, kissed, loved.

“I take care of them a lot” Antonio responded. “Come in.”

Antonio took his keys and opened the entrance door. The house was spotless, everything was in order. The pictures of Lovino and Antonio on one of the walls seemed untouched, but looking closer, one could see one shinier they were. Antonio certainly spent time cleaning everything related to Lovino… Except the loft. They never went them. Never.

They headed to the loft directly. Antonio unlocked the door and let Feliciano step in first.

“ _Dio…_ ” he whispered when he entered. “ _Ciò appartiene a mio nonno_ ”

“What?” Spain asked as he entered. “Your _nonno_? Your grandfather? The one who raised you?”

“Y-Yes! It all belongs to him… There’re even his paintings! How did Lovi keep that…?”

“He never told me about it. But look, there’s a note there.”

Feliciano took the notes and read it at loud: _“Feliciano, in case you don’t know, everything here belongs to_ nonno _. I’m sorry, because you should have got all this stuff sooner, except I… I was… I was jealous… I was jealous that he didn’t want me to have it… Yet, I never touched it. All is yours since a lot of time, pardon me. Make what you want of it. When I write this, I just moved in with Antonio. I wonder how much time it’ll take before someone discovers this place…  I suppose I just passed away. How humorous… If that’s the case, Feli, I… ~~appreciate love you~~. I’ll miss you. Let’s have a deal, ‘kay? If there’s afterlife and I’m near you when you read this, I’ll try to move something or make a sign. Stop speaking after this for some seconds you idiot, I’ll give it a try.”_

Feliciano shut up and looked around him, waiting for this sign. Antonio found that cute but hopeless. He wasn’t sure this thing would work, but why not after all?

“ _Fratello_ …” Feli muttered after a moment. “You know how to give useless hope…”

That’s when it happened. The door opened slightly, until it was wide open, letting the fresh wind caressing their skins.

Feliciano broke in tears again, whispering his _fratello_ ’s name. “I love you Lovi, I’ll really miss you!” he cried out to be sure he’d be heard.

Antonio didn’t utter a word. Was it really his lover, or just a coincidence?

He felt the temperature around his right hand decrease, it became really cold but he didn’t move it. The, something as cold touched the tip of his lips. He didn’t know how to react, smiling a bit.

“We should perhaps leave”, he said. “You can pick up that stuff whenever you want, Feli.”

“He’s in the room, isn’t he?”

“I don’t really know. But I hope he won’t stay here forever. It might get boring. Ti amo, Lovino!”

That’s apparently what was needed to be said. The coldness near his hand faded away, the wind not entering the house anymore. Heavy silence fell upon both of them.

“He’s gone?”

“He was before we entered, Feli…” Antonio reassured him. He felt cheered up. Like always, his husband succeeded in making him smile. “Do you want hot chocolate?”

“Why not…” he answered, regaining some smile. “Do you have pasta there?”

“I’m sure we… I have. Come on!”

All of Antonio’s fears were washed away as soon as he felt the cold area around his fingertips, soon covering his whole hand. The kiss he received was heavenly. The coldest but the most amorous and most passionate he ever received.

Antonio missed Lovino a lot, be found himself living pretty well, even with the burden of his loss. He spent more and more time with his best friends, being in some problems of course, but always ending up with nothing to pay.

He didn’t find love again, but didn’t feel the need to. With his hangouts with the Bad Touch Trio, he ended up having only one-night stands.

Later in his life, he had to move out of his house. It saddened him a bit, because selling this house meant leaving all the moments he passed with Lovino behind, but understood everything had to change someday. He went in Spain, where he established himself near his family. He used to live there for quite a while when he was a child. With him being gone, Francis and Gilbert decided to go home too, in their former countries, being France and Germany. Ludwig and Feliciano decided before them to go back in Germany, mainly because Feliciano wanted to live like his lover did for most of his life. He even learned German, despite the difficulty of this language for an Italian speaker.

As freelance as he was, Francis never really had a long relationship. Yet, he managed to have three children, Matthieu, Lucille and Michelle. Gilbert found a wife, Elizabetha, but also discovered he was sterile, therefore ending his life childless, but that didn’t matter for him.

Spain met them on a yearly basis, enjoying each time he could spend with them. He would never forget the love of his life though, smiling brightly when his name was brought up.

How could he be sad when the name of his beloved was pronounced?

To his eyes, he life went by too quickly, but he was glad he could at least meet his soulmate again.

Of life, and smile!


End file.
